Dating a newly separated man dating past and now
recently) divorced, and you’re wondering if dating this man is a good idea. Some people might automatically say you shouldn’t date anyone who falls into this category, but I’m not a fan of telling someone whether they date someone. My approach is to help you get super realistic about what you want, and what you’re getting into, so that you can make your decision to stay or leave as as possible.
You probably have a million questions on your mind. With that said, if you meet someone you’re really attracted to, but the ink on his divorce papers hasn’t yet had time to dry, you are going to need to approach some things differently if you want to minimize the risk of getting your heart broken.
There is a very good chance he is still in the process of establishing his new, non-married life—with things such as adjusting to being a single or part-time parent, and dealing with the aftermath of his divorce, both emotionally and financially.
If you find that your patience is continually being tried and it’s ultimately draining you, think about whether you have relationship needs and requirements that are going unmet.
Sometimes there are amicable divorces; sometimes there are epic divorces that last years and years with lots of “collateral damage.” But if you’re dating recreationally and not considering him as a long-term partner, then these questions might not matter as much, since you’re not concerned with long-term compatibility.Typically, when a divorce is final, it means that both parties have reached an agreement on custody and how to split up their mutual assets such as the house, investments, the pets, etc.Sometimes, a couple might choose to divorce but still remain partners in an investment, or still co-own a property.You have to acknowledge and be aware of the facts of the relationship, such as his availability when it comes to his caring for the kids, his financial obligations to his ex (if any), and where he is right now with his emotional readiness to date other people.If you go into your relationship hoping for spontaneous weekend trips to Cabo or Vegas, but his weekends are about shuttling his daughters to music lessons, soccer practice or helping with a science project, you will be disappointed. And with regard to his readiness to date other people, be aware of, or to try to, discern whether he just wants to date for fun right now or if he is looking to date with the intention of finding a long-term partner.